The random musings of an otaku.

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 21:47:35 GMT

My computer just got virused badly. I hope it's fixable. T_T

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 20:18:35 GMT

- Digimon Tamers has an excellent first episode and is in all likelihood an amazing anime. Digitalrewind's on to it and I'll be watching.

- Headed to Otakon this weekend. It should be fun. Won't be cosplaying, because the flatiron for my hair is not available at the moment and I had no energy to get another costume done.

- On a related note, picked up Digimon World: Dusk for the car ride. (And pokemon dash, but I suspect I'll be playing Dusk more. Gonna bring TWEWY as well, though I've beat the main game.) I hope I don't beat it too quickly, 'cause I don't have much to do back home (read, on my PC) except the Pokemon TCG. (Which I am in no way obsessed with. Rly.)

- All-star game tonight! I'll be watching ~~because despite being an otaku, I'm also a hopeless Sox fan~~. Especially since the AL team will have a knuckleballer - hope he actually gets in the game. (I've been following the team since about when Wake came up, and he's long been my favorite player, so I'm happy for him.)

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 17:12:17 GMT

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Very High
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	Very Low

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Decklists!

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 17:05:48 GMT

3 Togepi (GE)
3 Togekiss (GE)
3 Rare Candy
3 Fire Energy
2 Water Energy
2 Darkness Energy (Basic)
3 Fighting Energy
2 Grass Energy
3 Lightning Energy
2 Metal Energy (Basic)
3 Psychic Energy
1 Luxury Ball
4 Bebe's Search (RR)
1 Roseanne's Research
3 Ho-Oh (SW)
3 Baltoy (GE)
2 Claydol (GE)
1 Great Ball
1 Togetic (GE)
3 Pachirisu (GE)
1 Night Maintenance
2 Looker's Investigation
1 PlusPower
2 Snowpoint Temple
2 Bubble Coat
3 Professor Rowan
1 Unown G (GE)

3 Swablu (DX)
2 Altaria (GE)
4 Pidgey (SW)
3 Pidgeot (RG)
4 Call Energy
4 Double Colorless Energy
2 Recycle Energy
3 Full Heal Energy
4 Rare Candy
4 Gust of Wind
4 Professor Oak
2 Drake's Stadium
4 Gold Berry
3 Regigigas (LA-37)
2 Igglybuff (N2)
3 Computer Search
1 Luxury Ball
3 Larvitar (N4)
2 Tyranitar (SF)
3 Cyclone Energy

Opponents ~~and deck names~~ welcome.

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 01:55:31 GMT

I don't feel miserable now. I have a 1337 girlfriend and enough academics to exhaust me. (Three hour classes are DRAINING), and my self-esteem's a bit higher than it has been, too. It's just that sometimes (read: today) the whirling circle of thoughts from my day-to-day life breaks, and I feel empty.

Okay, there's a bit of bitterness and longing and hatred too, but that all strikes me as somewhere my brain's defaulting BECAUSE I'm empty and I used to think about nothing else. It's not an all-consuming or even driving feeling, just one that comes up when I'm extremely bored, BECAUSE I'm extremely bored and I'm so used to thinking about it. (Which, y'know, I should stop. But repressing memories is difficult, and it feels like the alternative isn't going somewhere else in my head, but an utter abyss of thought.)

Am I really so weak that my main online haunts being down does this to me? Can I still not handle boredom without being overwhelmed by nihilism? Few people consider themselves to have a purpose in life, many just spend it doing what they enjoy, but they don't get like this over it... not openly, anyway.

At least it's better than despair - true despair. It's not making me suicidal or anything. But it still really, really sucks.

I just want to be okay. ;_;

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 22:57:55 GMT

So, umm...

I tend to update my lj when bored or miserable. You can literally track my emotional state/boredom levels by tracking the frequency of my lj entries. (It's not deliberate, really!) I haven't updated since last Monday.

In the meantime, I've shed my NEETdom (class was... annoyingly long. Though you can say that about most 3.5-hour classes,) read Order of the Stick, sketched out a D&D campaign (I really hope I can pull this off), beat my TVtropes addiction(for the moment, anyway), and remembered why I love the pokemon TCG. (LackeyCCG.com . Lets you play CCGs online. Liek pokemon. Is awesome and addicting.)

...this week was fun. Wish I recorded more of it. Bored again now, though, and it's the kind of boredom where you just finished something awesome, so the mundane everyday things don't hold your attention that much.

Recent pet crack theories

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 08:01:36 GMT

(If I told these to anyone elsewhere, I apologize for making you read it again here.)

Tohru Honda, with her red and white colors(see: swimsuit chapter), excessive politeness, and attempts to keep the peace among Kyo and Yuki, represents Canada.

Yagami Hikari is Seiryu no Miko in an e-book version of The Universe of the Four Gods. This is why she glows. And gets her wish granted at the end. The dark ocean, of course, is Seiryu trying to devour her - note the Airdramon. The 01 chosen are her seishi, but the computer is a very old model which has trouble with Chinese characters (note the digicode everywhere) so it gives them digimon instead. Tailmon's ring is the shinzaho.

(I haven't figured out what the 02 kids are, yet. It'd work brilliantly if 01 had 02's ending. And Qinglongmon. XD)

Oscar François de Jarjayes was based on the historical figure of d'Eon Beaumont. (Okay, probably not. But I can't stop thinking of Chevalier when I watch Rose of Versailles, and vice versa.)

Code Geass involves a massive, brutal war in which WMDs are used, and at the end, despite Lelouch's plan, the world will probably descend into anarchy. And guess who's unaffected? (Brisbane, presumably, is already the capital of Australia.)

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 02:43:32 GMT

Just discovered lackeyCCG. If it didn't disconnect me every time I tried to play, I'd love it. Maybe it's my firewall?

Anyway, if you play TCGs, I'm sure it's awesome. If you can work it. x.x

(Also, literally browsed TVtropes all day.)

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 05:09:35 GMT

I have seen women who burn like paper and teenage girls who end up destroying all life on earth. I've seen harems and reverse harems, yandere and tsundere, magical girls and mechs. - I enjoyed both Fruits Basket and LoGH. I've seen a degenerate human race dependent on machines in 2999, I've seen the worst democracy fight the best dictatorship in the 39th. I've seen universal century, future century, and poor old anno domini - and that's without leaving Gundam. I've seen enough old shows to be thoroughly amused by Kidou Senkan Nadesico, but I can carry my weight in a conversation about the present day - I've seen selecao and johnnies (if dropping it halfway through), I've seen nuclear war in sentient beards, I've seen shinigami who fight with bankai and think they're collecting dragonballs and shinigami who drop books, I've seen hikkikomori have adventures more interesting than any most functioning human beings have, and not just the hikkikomori who play battle royale with dolls.

I've seen Anglican vampires and the paper mages of the ruthless British Library. I've seen Britain led into battle by a man who takes performance-enhancing drugs and dies in the middle of a fight. I've seen the Holy Britannian Empire with all the court politics of China at its worst - I've seen a Japanese aristocrat cry as the 100th British emperor tells her to prepare for democracy. And that's just *Britain* - I've at least started multiple anime about crossdressing knights in 1760s France. (IIRC, d'eon and oscar are pretty close contemporaries.)

I've seen computers. I know computers. I've seen MMORPG addiction take a literal turn, I've empathized with a man who can't sex his computer, I've seen four great anime about kids adventuring in a digital world, and I'm about to start watching a fifth. I've seen goggles that do nothing and glasses that let you see awesome adventurous virtual reality. I've seen giant robots shaped like animals and giant robots who turn into animals, but the latter I associate far more with Beast Wars than Car Robots.

I've seen logic battles, pokemon battles, and card battles (the latter on motorbikes), along with the old "kill each other" battles. I've cried over Go and Rock-paper-scissors, I've been awed by mahjong and baseball. I've seen schoolgirl lesbians, recently genderswapped lesbians, and fencing lesbians. I've seen open gays who could rock and (a lot more, I've never been that into yaoi) gays who half the fanbase insist is straight despite all the evidence - and I've regrettably seen the writer ignore the evidence at least once. I've seen host clubs, magic users clubs, yuki sohma fanclubs, all-purpose fandom clubs and countless student councils which do little actual government.

I haven't loved every minute. I've seen too many shows for that. But... it's awesome. The vast majority I've seen is really, really awesome.

...I love anime.

(And although I don't think I've mentioned anything that obscure, you still have my utmost respect if you can name all of the series I've referenced.)

This might be completely tasteless of me to say...

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 00:20:00 GMT

ZOMG KIRA KILLED MICHAEL JACKSON.

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 03:14:37 GMT

I'm tired of fighting back suicidal thoughts. I just want to get to the part of my life where I don't have them anymore - though right now, it sure feels like that part of my life is "the past". Therapy's useless, medication only helps so much, and while I want to think love will save me (and in all fairness, there's a distinct possibility I'd have been cheered up drastically and not writing this entry if my girlfriend was online today) right now I think that's something only one's first love can do.

And if mine wanted me not to... then I would never have become a NEET or been on suicide watch in the first place. (yes, people change over the years, yes, she's probably not dead, yes, it's possible she'll someday feel remorse and try to make amends... but not bloody likely.)

It's all the worse after a month or so of them being pushed back, too. But memories suck like that.

*cries*

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 02:52:37 GMT

Spent hours constructing this. I always said I lost count of how many anime I watched, but I think it's more than enough to merit the appellation "otaku". XP

http://myanimelist.net/animelist/birdboy2000

I'm up for discussing most of them (except the ones I dropped), though some I saw years ago and barely remember, while others have painful memories associated with them. Episode numbers for series listed as "on hold" are from memory - I may in fact be elsewhere. (Most of them I wouldn't mind picking up at some point, if I can get my hands on 'em, though some are higher priority than others and I want to finish Harlock first.)

Seen part of 281 titles, finished 153 of 'em. ("Titles" in this context meaning everything from a movie to a 270-episode series, and I listed shows as finished even if I missed an episode here and there, or I skipped the filler season at the end. BUT EVEN STILL.)

Maybe living well is the best revenge...

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 20:36:14 GMT

I...

I can say to my credit that I've lived a cushy life, that I've never worried about a roof over my head (except for a bit of anxiety about my ability to, y'know, get a job and live independently at some point in the future) and that my day-to-day life has been easy, more often than not.

...but that doesn't mean I have it perfect, or that nothing's wrong - or even that the only things wrong are a serotonin imbalance and the trauma of being thrown away by the only person I ever fully trusted - yes, I've only lost one person, but that's little comfort. (One could even say, with how guarded I've been for so long, to everyone else... that at the time, that was the only person who losing would've shaken me.)

I... I still miss her. I'm with someone who's probably a better match for me, who I hope I'll someday come to feel just as deeply for, but that doesn't stop me from missing her, nor does it take away the bitterness and hatred the thought of her fills me with. And I'm pretty sure nothing ever will.

That said... I've always dealt with painful memories by suppressing them. And I have plenty of painful memories - from being banned from a board I hung out all day at (by overwhelming vote) at age 10, to a terrible elementary/middle/high school experience that ranged from boring to torturous and shattered my self-esteem - shattered me so badly that I was left so desperately vulnerable to anyone who'd woo me with false platitudes of love while using me for their self-esteem and looking down on me the whole time - any scumbag with an angelic face.

It works. Most of the time. But sometimes, the memories resurface. T_T

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 04:57:39 GMT

Played Civ all day. That and Victoria: Revolutions.

...there are worse things to become, I suppose. Strategy games are win, after all. And it's not like I have anything else to do ~~except maybe try and see if I can throw a costume together before Otakon~~.

Meme from [lj user=vethica]

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 04:05:45 GMT

RULES: Comment and I'll LJ stalk you to find THREE FANDOMS you apparently love. And then you answer these questions about them!

01: What got you into this fandom in the first place?
02: Do you think you'll stay in this fandom or eventually move on?
03: Favorite episodes/books/movies/etc.?
04: Do you participate in this fandom (fanfiction, graphics, discussions)?
05: Do you think that more people should get into this fandom?

Pokemon:

01. The commercials. Once some other kids at school told me WTF it was, I gave the anime a try - been hooked ever since.
02. For eleven years, people have said I'd move on. I'm about as active as ever.
03. The anime's best in the Charizard vs. Articuno and Charizard vs. Magmar fights and some of the earlier movies, although I'm also partial to the episode Pidgeot leaves. As for the games... Plat.
04. Yep. I'm a semi-regular at Bulbagarden's chatroom, post on the forums...rarely, wrote plenty of fics and will probably write more.
05. It's huge as it is - so huge I won't notice them - but yes. POKEMON DESERVES AN IMMENSE FANDOM, DAMMIT.

Digimon:

01. A post on UPnetwork discussing the so-called "pokemon ripoffs" of digimon and monster rancher. Turned it on hoping for a clone, got something much better.
02. On one hand, my activity has dropped a great deal in the past couple years. But move on completely? It's as big a part of me as anything, with all the time I spent there, and a damn good anime or five to boot. So I can't - I cosplayed it last AB, wrote a drabble recently, will turn out something for every Odaiba Memorial until the day I die.
03. WHY DO YOU ASK SUCH HARD QUESTIONS? Umm... the Dark Masters' arc of 01, mostly. It had plenty of angsty moments, but I *like* angst, and I loved how they brought every digimon back and killed off half of 'em. Monster anime + dark = BIRDBOY WILL LOVE THIS. (But I'm too squicked by guro to look at Narutaru...)
04. Yes. I keep numerous digimon comms on my flist and will post in them from time to time, I put up a drabble recently - as I said, my activity's dropped, but I'm still there AND WILL BE FOREVER.
05. Absolutely. ~~MY PURPOSE IN LIFE USED TO BE DRAGGING PEOPLE INTO THIS FANDOM. AND IT'S NOT A BAD PURPOSE, EITHER.~~ It's an old series (or at least, adventure is) but it doesn't get the kind of analysis Evangelion does, despite (at least late 01 and Tamers, from what I've heard) being totally able to merit it - it's far from discussed to death. It has a ton of amazing writers ficcing for it, and I can point you to plenty of 'em. (The same could be said of a lot of fandoms probably, but I've seen great digimon fic firsthand.) And Savers has enough ridiculous and GAR and awesome that it should steal Gurren Lagann's fanbase - it didn't get much of one when it aired at all. (Or maybe it did somewhere I wasn't looking? I'm not active at withthewill or whatever the main digimon site is these days.)

Code Geass:

01. /a/. This is completely the fault of 4chan's /a/.
02. I rate it very highly, and I'm not going to leave the comms I'm currently in, but as fandom activity dies down I expect to think about it less and less. That said, it's still a great anime to watch with people.
03. That's a tough one, because I'm forgetting where one episode begins and one ends by now, and remember specific scenes more than episodes... episode 11 of R2, for ninja meido Sayoko and some nice politicking and battles, I guess.
04. Not really. I'll discuss it - did so plenty when it was coming out - but I don't think I can recapture it's unique feel in text (and I'd have to give it a rewatch to pin characters down just right) so I haven't ficced it or anything.
05. Why not? I like my fandoms big, and it needs new blood now that the series ended.

For anyone following events in Iran

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 03:00:56 GMT

Twitter grid for Iran

Also, the poster Tatsuma on FARK.com continues to have an excellent writeup. Go there, find the current Iran thread, it'll be on the first page.

More protests tomorrow. Likely confrontation at Khamenei-led prayers on friday. MARG BAR DIKTATOR.

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 18:22:27 GMT

History seems to be unfolding on Twitter - but then again, Tiananmen Square was also history. Best wishes to the Iranian people.

I wish I remembered my dreams.

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 20:36:33 GMT

I dreamt twice this week. Don't know of what - I have a terrible memory for dreams. (Yes, I wish I dreamed regularly enough to blog them.)

What I do remember, however, is how they've been starting. I put my head down on the pillow, close my eyes, and try to sleep. But I can't sleep at first, so I think, and my thoughts race around, regarding whatever's on my mind today.

...and then my thoughts gain a certain disconnect from reality. Like... I wonder what to do in my EU3 game next. Except I'm not the Ottomans anymore, I'm Venice. And not Venice in a new game, Venice in my old Ottoman-wank. But it's not like I just changed countries - I think about, say, invading small Greek states which don't exist in the game - not "got conquered", but "not in the game's coding". And then I realize I'm dreaming.

It's pretty fun, actually. Don't know how I do it, though, and it's quite different from how I used to dream...

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 05:21:17 GMT

I used to argue that Kamina's death is what made Gurren Lagann what it was, and that a series where he lived would just be another shounen with a badass lead.

It recently occurs to me that I was wrong. Gurren Lagann without Kamina dying would be Digimon Savers.

THINK ABOUT IT. IT TOTALLY WORKS. (And I did like Savers much more.)

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 21:54:25 GMT

So, umm...

Dating vethica. Have been for the last couple weeks or so. Have been significantly happier because of her.

Has my past sadness melted completely away? A mention of a certain person in an IM conversation still left me a mess today, so no. I'm probably going to carry that wound with me the rest of my life.

Am I capable of love? I have my doubts, I admit it, but... if I didn't think so, I wouldn't be going out with her. <3 I have made progress mentally, in this area along with others, and I think I jumped into my last relationship foolishly, but don't feel the same way about this one...

I hope it lasts. And for now, I can smile again.

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:49:15 GMT

There is, of course, a vast continuum between "NEET" and "functioning member of society". And as for which end I fall on... it's still going to be a lot closer to NEET.

But it's better to dip one's toe in the water before trying to swim. I'm easing myself back into this - taking one course this summer seems a better option than going straight back into a full courseload.

ANYWAY. Come the 29th of this month, I will no longer be a NEET, instead taking a course on the history of the city of Boston.

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 23:50:34 GMT

So, umm...

Pre-regged for Otakon. Will also hit Connecticon this summer, but having website-related troubles, so not registered yet.

Gonna finish One Outs tonight - if your team has a day off, watch anime baseball instead! But this doesn't work if the torrent goes too slowly.

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 03:31:06 GMT

So Europe just voted.

On the bright side, the pirate party, which backs massive copyright law reforms, picked up a seat or two in Sweden.

...on the down-side, voter turnout was down and fascist parties made some gains, while the left lost seats in about equal numbers. It's only a swing of thirty or so seats out of 736 (non-affiliated members and parties, a count which contains a large proportion of fascists because far-right nationalist blowhards have trouble playing well with others, have a total of 65 seats now according to wiki) honestly, the government won't actually change as a result of this - but it's always disappointing when the big electoral shift in response to a recession is for fascists at the expense of the left.

EDIT: Down to a gain of 20 for independents (who aren't all fascists) and the center-right's looking like the main beneficiaries. And although I may be a socialist, the european center-right isn't THAT scary, and they might still prefer working with the socialists to the alternatives. (Though they could form a coalition with the (classical) liberals instead, it appears?)

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 19:34:07 GMT

Got back from UP. Excellent movie, Pixar's awesome as ever, etc. (Also, yay for Pixar creating a mildly sympathetic antagonist! If only mildly.)

...I want to go on an adventure now.

This is the part where I feel sad again about nothing comparing in coolness to the journeys of fictional characters, isn't it? ;_;

b1rdboy2000@msn.com — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 04:50:50 GMT

I don't browse both - this is based on my infrequent trips to one and regular observation of the other.

...that said, is it just me, or does /cm/ have better taste in anime than /a/?