The random musings of a digimon fan.

To air one's sadnesses to the world...

2008-05-16T08:39:12Z

It's 4:33 AM local time. Birds beginning to chirp outside window.

I've spent the last couple hours alternating between playing Mystery dungeon (darkness) until my eyes are too tired to continue, and closing them until I'm so overwhelmed by the sadness of my own thoughts that I can't get to sleep. (Maybe its this bed, with all the time spent typing from here, which makes things worse? I dunno. But I slept better the last two nights, both of which I was home...)

I'm not getting better after all.

~~I need a lover. How do people find them, exactly? Of course, I'm the type who's destined to be alone.~~

*fail*. x.x

birdboy2000 @ 2008-05-15T20:34:00

2008-05-16T00:56:09Z

Have DS now.

(Mystery dungeon 2 and ace attorney as well, but playing Ranger first.)

GAmeplay consists of drawing circles around pokemon.

"Don't be afraid to talk to people. Just touch them with your stylus." (Not exact phrasing)

First mission is "Don't fear failure." Ah, toonami. <3

The way they run up to you in the first mission... yeah, allusions can be nice. I could so hear them saying "Don't go into the tall grass." XD

Switching games.

I AM MEOWTH

(Eh, its as good a personality test result as any. I am something of a cat person, so I'll stick with it. Partnering with Piplup.)

And now I'm off to the world of pokemon! :D

birdboy2000 @ 2008-05-14T22:18:00

2008-05-15T02:20:30Z

Pokemon tears are surprisingly uplifting.

birdboy2000 @ 2008-05-13T22:30:00

2008-05-14T02:32:55Z

I messed up a bit - partially overwhelming distraction, partially incompetence. In one of my four classes, I have no idea of my grades, other than that 40% or so will be docked a bit(one letter? Don't remember...) for being turned in late. I can't exactly celebrate.

Nonetheless... *shrug*

I'm back in my hometown now. Its easier to go do stuff when I feel like it. I guess that's the best I can say...

x.x

birdboy2000 @ 2008-05-11T15:19:00

2008-05-11T19:20:13Z

http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Roselia_%28Pok%C3%A9mon%29#Gender_differences

*amused*

birdboy2000 @ 2008-05-11T12:30:00

2008-05-11T16:34:23Z

For a long time, I have near-exclusively used AIM for instant messaging purposes.

I've switched to Pidgin lately and I'm amazed at how easily buddy lists from different clients sync up. I'm staying here.

birdboy018@gmail.com, b1rdboy2000@msn.com... and birdboy018 on AIM. Feel free to add, and if you want to talk to me on some other client, tell me so I can register. XP

The appeal of fanfiction.

2008-05-10T22:30:23Z

There are stories which may fall into filler or repetitiveness, which may never be good to begin with (or which may stay amazing), which portray an awesome world. Let's face it, everybody wants to be a Pokemon master. And plenty of people would gladly be Konoha ninjas or chosen children or shinigami or just meet the people they know only through fiction. This is why we have Mary Sues. Fanfiction, however, is a horrible medium in which to play out that desire; the power of a writer over their world leads many to make themselves all-powerful or easily loved, and there are few real people who hold interest (or describe themselves interestingly enough) to compare amidst a sea of characters. Find a DM(wait, GM. Some format like BESM might work better than D&D, anyway.) or learn to control yourself in text, find some friends, RP it out; you'll be much happier.

There are also great stories which, limited by the constraints of "shounen" or "children's books" or "series length" or "the writer isn't really interested in covering that topic", leave certain aspects completely unexplored. This isn't just romance and smut, although 90% of them are - there's also darkfic and a few others which fall into this category completely, and all fics do this somewhat if only to tell a new story.

There are amazing creative works in this world. Amazing. Stories which blow away the person reading or watching with their pure, epic awesomeness. Stories which grip them with their intensity, which always leave them turning the next page or putting on the next episode for as long as they can. Or stories which aren't that great, but which were still worth following, and are nonetheless over. Or even just stories where the writer doesn't have a clue what they're doing anymore and can't keep up a coherent storyline. But these stories end, or at least you catch up on them and lack anything to do until the next episode/chapter.

One can rewatch - but only so many times. One can discuss, but only so many subjects; there are still things in digimon which the fandom hasn't touched, I'm sure of it, but the flamewars over most of the subjects have long grown stale. At the fifteenth viewing or so, one so often has nothing left to do but squee about how amazing it is. A full MST would be immensely fun, but it would struggle not to fall into silence, and doing it with a new group would lead to much the same jokes as the prior one.

One can, of course, always go onto new things. But it's not the only choice, and not always an appealing one - one can still love the characters, love the storyline, want to see more instead of just opening a new book. And if a fanfic is good enough, just for a moment, one can ignore that its in text and with a different writer and still feel like the original never truly ended.

And that's why, for 9-10 years, I've been reading fanfic - and when I think I'm good enough, writing them.

I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, if you're more of a lurker, or if we already know everything about each other.

Copy from here then answer them in a comment. Repost the empty questions in your LJ.

BE HONEST! I know you guys love talking about yourselves, you post everyday. So anyboday, and everyboday, fill it out!

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
A.

2) What was your dream growing up?
A.

3) What talent do you wish you had?
A.

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A.

5) Favorite vegetable?
A.

6) What was the last book you read?
A.

7) What zodiac sign are you?
A.

8) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
A.

9) Worst Habit?
A.

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
A.

11) What is your favorite sport?
A.

12) Do you have a positive or a negative attitude?
A.

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
A.

16) Do you have any pets?
A.

17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A.

18) What was your first impression of me?
A.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A.

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A.

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A.

22) What color eyes do you have?
A.

23) Ever been arrested?
A.

24) Bottle or can soda?
A.

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A.

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
A.

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A.

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
A.

30) Do you swear a lot?
A.

31) Biggest pet peeve?
A.

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A.

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?

A.

34) Do you believe in (a) God?
A.

35) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
A.

birdboy2000 @ 2008-05-10T01:15:00

2008-05-10T05:17:17Z

Why are Wada Kouji's songs so freaking energizing?

(Atsui batoro okose!)

After episode 26, life goes on.

2008-05-08T18:39:43Z

I'm tired of watching anime, reading stories, and RPing as interesting characters. They have their place - indeed, they're absolutely necessary - but it's still somewhat tiresome and saddening next to my own irrelevance.

Despite all the strangenesses in my life which could easily intrigue another, I want my adventure to begin. It's just that the world is completely mundane, or perhaps that I'm a background character in everywhere but my own mind.

;_;

(I say this, but I haven't watched anime in a couple days, or RPed in over a month, and my computer has a lackluster gaming library... Maybe all I need to do is to go home and find that section of IRC where people run online D&D sessions or something.)

birdboy2000 @ 2008-05-05T14:43:00

2008-05-05T18:47:19Z

(Disclaimer: I am, as of this writing, a registered democrat. I'm far to the left of the party, supporting them for pragmatic reasons, and amused by whitewashing no matter which side is doing it.)

As taken from http://www.democrats.org/a/party/history.html, the party history on the Democratic Party's website:

In 1848, the National Convention established the Democratic National Committee, now the longest running political organization in the world. The Convention charged the DNC with the responsibility of promoting "the Democratic cause" between the conventions and preparing for the next convention.

As the 19th Century came to a close, the American electorate changed more and more rapidly. The Democratic Party embraced the immigrants who flooded into cities and industrial centers, built a political base by bringing them into the American mainstream, and helped create the most powerful economic engine in history. Democratic Party leader William Jennings Bryan led a movement of agrarian reformers and supported the right of women's suffrage, the progressive graduated income tax and the direct election of Senators. As America entered the 20th Century, the Democratic Party became dominant in local urban politics.

NOTICE ANYTHING MISSING?

birdboy2000 @ 2008-05-02T16:23:00

2008-05-02T20:24:31Z

"Sasuke isn't gay" gets 634 results on google. *amused*

birdboy2000 @ 2008-05-02T02:21:00

2008-05-02T06:22:50Z

If sleep is for the weak, why is it *now* that I'm seeing 3:00 am so many nights? ;_;

(And no, I'm NOT becoming stronger. You can only think that because you haven't seen me lately... or at all.)

No more deluded by reaction/on tyrants only we'll make war

2008-05-01T05:05:14Z

122 years ago today, 300k-500k workers across America began a general strike for the eight-hour day. Three days later, it ended in bloodshed in Chicago, with cops and anarchists ruining everything.

In 1888, the Second Internationale proclaimed May 1 international workers' day to commemorate the labor struggle. The holiday has seldom been observed in the US to begin with, and its declined even more in this age when even the far left is not red, but green.

The world remembers. The US, for the most part, has forgotten. The 40-hour week is increasingly illusory, the labor movement is struggling worldwide, working-class democrats are voting for an architect of NAFTA from Wal-Mart's board of directors, while republicans are yelling at people to work longer hours - if you get foreclosed, just get a second job. And it's not just the US - it seems like workers are taking a beating from neoliberalism all around the world, although they're beginning to push back and seem to have made great strides in Latin America.

Even here, things are beginning to look up, if just a little - the day won't pass unlamented, like it did when I was younger - although it's a bit discouraging that most of the ones protesting are first-generation immigrants from countries which remember Haymarket. (Yeah, I know, the working class has no borders. Doesn't stop illegal immigrants and citizens from blaming each other that big business is ripping them off - we've completely lost that spirit of solidarity in this country. And, despite the herculean efforts of the various tiny leftist and anarchist parties, doesn't mean we'll make significant inroads.)

That said... I haven't forgotten.

Happy international workers' day, everyone! Go to your local protests! Wave the red flag! ~~Overthrow your bourgeoise masters!~~ :D (I say, although I'm making up for procrastination on end-of-year assignments today... it shouldn't take eight hours, at least. Yay for being a student.)

birdboy2000 @ 2008-04-28T16:26:00

2008-04-28T20:27:11Z

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/eastsidenews/2004374870_dayofsilence26e.html

Can I hate humanity yet? ;_;

birdboy2000 @ 2008-04-28T00:25:00

2008-04-28T04:27:17Z

The word "pidgeons" gets 156k results on google.

Most of these are, in all likelihood, not the result of pokemon inscribing misspellings upon the lexicons of the world's youth.

Nonetheless, having just made (and corrected, but it's not a typo - you can't hit d by accident there!) the mistake myself in a serious essay, I am amused.

birdboy2000 @ 2008-04-27T00:52:00

2008-04-27T04:53:08Z

Okay, I think I found myself.

Still useless and behind on schoolwork, though, and my despair will surely return. ;_;

birdboy2000 @ 2008-04-26T01:07:00

2008-04-26T05:42:11Z

Long train rides offer a good deal of room for introspection, as do those moments in anime when nothing much has gone on in the scene and your reading speed exceeds that of the subtitles. I have realized much about myself, and perhaps have a good deal to say... but does knowing more about such a wretched person, or a bunch of tl;dr about either the terrifying thought of being wholly delusional, thinking I'm some early 21st century otaku(does a madman know he's mad? And if not, what happens when he somehow finds out?) the inferiority of "literature" to sci-fi, fantasy, and even manga in all regards hold anyone's interest?

This might not, either. And it is, ultimately, far more weak and pathetic. Perhaps it is simply that I am not ruled by reason... after all, I still cling to only the bare minimum of reality necessary to function as a human being, and I fear that I have surpassed even that minimum.

Unless something strange were to happen which contradicts my reading of the entirety of 2008, or a person of the sort whose greatness and determination alike can only exist in anime suddenly falls for me, neither of which are possible, I will not love again. (And yes, barring immortality or being raped, this means dying a virgin - though this would've been the case anyway, and what tiny value I place on it is merely to avoid sadness when fapping. Once, I wanted to separate myself permanently from the ronery, cynical masses far too common in fandom... but really, I'm one of them, so what's the point?) There are reasons for this; as a person raised on shoujo, I lack interest in the transient, weak things which pass for "love" among most people these days, and after all this I can't open my heart to anyone - maybe not even after three or four years. I suppose I will, in time, develop a deep cynicism about the whole thing. Although I have at times been capable of awwing without tears, it will take a great deal for me to click a fluff fic as I am now - as I will remain - and I don't see myself writing any romantic one-shots from here on in.

Osamu Tezuka's Phoenix is amazing, and watching it drove away all the sorrow I had accumulated on the train and more. Although I cried sometimes, it was generally at opportune moments - other painful reminders saw me successfully(if barely) hold back tears. As the world was ending, thoughts of "I want to live" and stuff came over me, despite the entire freaking message of the story. (I've got to comb through at least some of Tezuka's better works before dying. Truly a god of manga... this anime club, at the moment, is my reason to live.)

Then... Ergo Proxy. Didn't like much to begin with, missed too many episodes. Skipped, went to MIT arcade. Hung out with friend, had fun, computer was on(there is so much to play/show people) but I was reluctant to check my e-mail, having said so many sad things which, although genuine, felt unjustified in my state at the time.

Friendship is certainly valuable. (OTOH, there's always the internet... and it's not like I haven't given serious thought to fleeing the region or even the country. Though maybe all I need is to be closer... I dunno. I befriend otaku relatively easily, I think... but maybe not?)

Kyo Kara Maoh. Cute, fun shounen-ai. Early on the "ai" part of that brought deep pain, but as it went on I felt like a total yaoi fangirl and was following the story with happiness - at the time, I felt like I could even watch FuYu, Miaka/Tamahome scenes and all.

Am I getting stronger? Maybe.

I thought I was - but, like the chosen on the beach against Scorpiomon, I realized I was as weak as ever. (So what do I need to find? I have no one to work together with and the crest of hope is not even a good thing in this world.) Returning to my room and my computer and my inbox and my AIM window brought back all the old despair, and what minimal strength I gain will only equal what I had in the first place... sure, I understand love now, but it's not like I'll be a better writer for it, 'cause I've gained so many emotional blocks in the process.

x.x

Song meme!

2008-04-25T16:09:23Z

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your LJ along with your 7 songs. ~~Then tag 7 other people to see what they're listening to.~~

The Innsmouth Look - Darkest of the Hillside Thickets
Redshirt - Terence Chua
Caramelldansen - Caramell
Re: Your Brains - Jonathan Coulton
Dimension of Love - (Not sure of the artist. And I'm thinking the English version.)
Butter-fly - Wada Kouji
Brave Heart - Wada Kouji

It's impossible, of course. And the symbolism is all wrong; they should've bloomed 3/20

2008-04-22T17:21:56Z

I know what I saw. The colors and branches were like an anime screenshot, and the ground was littered with the petals it was still shedding. (Maybe they're common on college campuses which like to plant as many kinds of trees as possible? I have a photo, but cellphone-quality and don't know how to upload.

It's a single tree, mind you. Nothing to organize a festival over, although if we had a bigger otaku community I'm sure we'd try. (Honestly, I'm surprised AE didn't say anything - maybe they figured you couldn't miss it? I dunno.) But still...

I saw a sakura tree in bloom! *squeeeeeeeeee*

I need a Gabumon.

2008-04-17T02:34:49Z

'cause there isn't some wisdom for a Miyako to shout at me while giving an epic slap that'll actually help.

Tired of Civ and Paradox games. They're not doing it for me anymore, and they won't even if someone finds some epic new strategy for me to try out.

Anime* is great, and I watch plenty, and fandom has its strong points, but... there's a lot which doesn't change. Rewatching a series I first saw in middle school, a favorite series I've loved for half my life... it's the absolute worst place to be when I want to forget something. And romance is a frequently discussed subject, from Tenchi to FuYu... and when it isn't explicitly mentioned, shipping wars are a fan pastime.

A fun one. When you're in a different emotional state.

*This is a total lie. If all anime were great, I would be watching subs like mad this season and beginning to recover. Some anime, however, are freaking amazing.

Occasionally the story's so powerful it works anyway. Even when the series itself is the most powerful reminder I have, and I don't have other fannish memories of it as a distraction, it can be so strong that I don't even think of her when its mentioned. Or sometimes its wholly unrelated and awesome. (Hence why I'm going to MIT club in two days for Dennou Coil.) But... a lot of the time, especially on a second or third or fourteenth viewing, it isn't. (And finding a fanfic that powerful, especially one which qualifies as gen, is REALLY FREAKING DIFFICULT.)

My room even *looks* like the darkness inside of me. No one's going to bite my leg, of course (this gesture is fairly awkward human-to-human, if nothing else) and its not as though I've been holding my tears in.

Human contact(by which is meant contact with normal humans) doesn't work. College means eavesdropping like hell; dorm walls are only so thin. It's bad enough overhearing them. I ended up curling into the fetal position and crying before orientation was through for a reason.

Where I am sure doesn't help, but I don't think I can entirely blame it. Sure, I'd be happier in the Boston area - going on round-trip journeys as long as one's anime club meets for doesn't say good things about the region - but... it's not as though a few more events or local friends would get me through the long, dark tea-time of the soul.

A new obsession would be great, so long as its capable of being all-consuming.

At the moment, I'm bored out of a mind which I can't be alone with.

What the heck do I do? x.x

Memes are a good way to pass the time

2008-04-13T21:08:19Z

(Ganked from anigirl15.)

a. Post a list of 10 fandoms.
b. Have your friends list guess your favorite character from each one.
c. When guessed, bold the line, include the character name, and write a sentence about why you like that character.

1. Digimon Adventure (02 included; they're one timeline) - Oikawa. There's something about his loneliness and losing Hiroki and longing for another world turned to desperation that I really sympathize with. Guessed correctly by anigirl15
2. Digimon Savers
3. Pokemon Special(I think it's "Adventures" in the states. The manga with Red and Blue and Green, where the Elite Four try to wipe out humanity.)
4. Spiral: Suiri no Kizuna
5. Rurouni Kenshin - Himura Kenshin. Prettiness and being good with a sword and occasional cuteness and stuff aside, I love the way he sticks to his pacifist convictions in such a violent age, even when(like with those guys he fights in the first episode) it bites him back. Guessed correctly by anigirl15
6. Animorphs(I had to throw one ridiculously easy one on there, ne?) - Tobias ~~Fangor~~. At first it was because he was the dreamer who got fazed by the normal stuff, but was at home with an alien ship descending - I love that character type - but then he stayed too long in morph and became both admirable and *really* interesting, a guerilla trapped as a hawk in a romance limited to two-hour bursts. Guessed correctly by anigirl15
7. Pokemon
8. Ouran High School Host Club
9. Fruits Basket
10. Slayers

"It's the darkness inside of me"

2008-04-10T02:11:31Z

I am overcome with a sense of my own irrelevance. Also, self-esteem and confidence levels are zero.

Help plz? ;_;

Oh seven, try to be free.

2008-04-08T05:11:36Z

I'm alternately being energized by the lyrics of brave heart and finding them naive lies akin to the power of hope which don't work unless part of the world's makeup is the power to grant wishes.

I, too, have stagnated. I'm attending classes dealing with new material and all, but... I'm playing the same games and watching the same anime for catharsis as I have for years. (And not just catharsis. I'm picking up DVDs of shows I know, too...) The most recent change(as opposed to "collapse" or "surrender") that I can think of is realizing 4chan contains more than hentai.

There are brilliant things in this world I'm not even touching. An intro to lit class does, in fact, introduce someone to literature. A good creative writing teacher often does the same.

I have been reminded of Borges by Vamdemon's incantation to open the gate between worlds and gained new respect for both his writing and digimon (It slipped my memory from the first time I watched episode 27, then heard them talking about it in ep 28, so I went back. "I hold all the cards and they are no longer a mystery" was delivered brilliantly, but "Tlon, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius" was too, and it opens so many comparisons.) Yet I still haven't checked the latter out in any real detail - all I've read of his was the exact story referenced in digimon, this without knowing it had been. I ponder the possibility that my professor recommended this as much because of my I <3 digimon pin as because of the literary tastes I demonstrated - I didn't think my writing or comments in class were screaming "you'd love Borges" *that* much - but it's just another wild flight of imagination.

...I also want to do detailed comparisons to digimon and see what fits. And this from a single incantation.

(This would not be the first time digimon inspired me to check out a writer, if for a second time. OTOH, at least Lovecraft got a whole episode.)

...between the writing staff, Koji Wada's music, and the monster designs, I have little doubt that this is indeed the greatest thing ever. I spent all episode 29 in a squeegasm.

There's also great writing beyond Japan, and I can afford to wait a bit and broaden my horizons; I'm getting all the non-gaming references at anime cons, and between Adult swim, my anime club and the occasional drop into /a/, I should stay abreast of the good stuff anyway. I'm not broadening them, I probably won't (save what I must inevitably do for class) but it'll hammer in the back of my head until I'm too bored and snap and waste a day reading.

I'm also still five episodes behind on digimon. This two days after it made MU, about ten after they were subbed, the (blocked but seriously I could've found somewhere to torrent from if I really tried) torrents were released, and started to filter onto streaming video sites. This last paragraph is all you need to know about my recent emotional state, although worrying won't do any good and I will absolutely marathon them tomorrow.

Moar memes.

2008-04-04T17:15:19Z

You are 79% 4chan material.

You're an average 4channer - far from being a newfag, with plenty of knowledge of our subculture and various memes, and the potential to be downright hilarious at times. Yet you've managed to keep a few shreds of your sanity, and aren't the out-of-hand Anonymous that makes it to those news reports. In other words, you are the best kind of 4channer.

How 4chan are you?
See All Our Quizzes

</div (Apart from that... winning on Warlord with the Mongols hasn't stopped my civ addiction. Not much else to talk about.)

Stolen from kawaiikes

2008-04-03T13:53:52Z

Bored. Fanboying digimon while wishing I could torrent from here.

Meme time!

- Get your music going, and set your player on shuffle
- Post the first lines of the first 20 songs to come up
- See how many people on your FL can guess the song names

(Of course, I had to check animelyrics for most of these, myself... if only to confirm. And a good chunk of these are ridiculously easy.)

1. I've got my twelve-sided die and I'm ready to roll with a wizard and my goblin crew - answered by fuzzypingu
2. Go! Go! So you want to be a pokemon master. - answered by anigirl15
3. Kimi wa kimi dake shika inai yo - answered by julyeighth
4. Searching for new world hito wa minna - answered by anigirl15
5. Totsuzen yatte kuru shoutai fumei no fuan - answered by julyeighth
6. Yami no yozoraga
7. Change into power, we got the power - answered by mongoosehwrs
8. We are fighting dreamers takami o mezashite - answered by mongoosehwrs
9. I can't stand to fly, I'm not that naive - answered by ohkamimajin
10. In the morning when you wake up, open your eyes to a new day - answered by anigirl15
11. Nee kono machi ga - answered by analisegregori
12. Orange range wo shitteru kai - answered by analisegregori
13. Asete kioku no sukima kara
14. Winnie the pooh, winnie the pooh - answered by ohkamimajin
15. This is the greatest and best song in the world... tribute. - answered by fuzzypingu
16. Walter Gretzky had a son, he grew up to be the Great One
17. Do you believe in magic?
18. Gokigen na chou ni natte kirameku kaze ni notte(If you know this one, you are awesome. Not that it's particularly difficult.) - answered by ohkamimajin
19. Nazo nazo mitai ni chikyuugi wo tokiakashitara (Kill me now plz?) - answered by fuzzypingu
20. Hey digimon hey digimon, monster friends to the boys and girls - answered by anigirl15